Raffish Ramblings

 

My heartache of the last two days was sorted out today with a sincere (I hope) apology.  I could hold a grudge, I suppose, but then I am willing to give a ten year friendship another chance. 

 

All's well that ends well.

 

....................

 

Also - dad asked for a Bible after being discharged from the hospital, and is reading it and asking to be baptized.  It is something mom has been been praying for for over 30 years.  Her faith has paid off.

 

I think his surgery and hospital stay gave him a glimpse into his own mortality, and he realizes there is something larger than himself and life as he knows it on earth.

 

The day before I dropped him and mom off at the hospital, he handed me a sealed envelope.  He said, "Keep this with you.  If I make it back, then just give it back to me." 

 

What he didn't say out loud, but what his eyes said as he looked into mine, was that in the event that he didn't make it through the surgery, he was still going to make sure we were all going to be well taken care of.

 

I said, "Okay, dad."

 

What I didn't say out loud, but what my eyes said as I looked into his, was "I'm not ready to let you go yet, so you have to get through this."

 

I came home, cried for a good half hour, then put the envelope in my drawer.

 

Four days ago, I gave him back the envelope, still sealed and unopened.  We smiled at each other.  Our eyes said, "I hope it'll be at least another 20 years before I/you find out what's in it."

 

All's well that end's well.

 

 

 

 

The last thing I wanted to do this evening in my already distraught state of mind was have a screaming match with this teenage alien monster creature that has inhabited my daughter's body.  The other thing I also most certainly did not feel up to was attending a 3.5 hour concert / awards / graduation ceremony at her school.

 

I ended up doing both.

 

I left the school after 1.5 hours.  If I had stayed for the entire thing, I would quite possibly have slit my wrists.

 

I am now home and I am GOING TO BED.

 

 

 

 

Last October, something happened within my extended family that shook us all up and resulted in me writing this entry.

 

One year and one month later, and I finally realize that nothing is ever that black and white.  That sometimes there are grey areas too.

 

Last week, I noticed that a friend with whom I have shared a ten year friendship, is going down a potentially destructive path.  There are issues to be faced, but instead of facing them, said friend has chosen to run and hide.  So I spoke out, and told him to stop running, and to deal with whatever has to be dealt with.  I said that running exacerbates the problem, that when things catch up with you, the consequences would be much worse than if you dealt with them now.

 

Unfortunately, he has taken that as an attack against him, and understood it as a withdrawing of my support and friendship.  On the contrary, it is anything but.  My intentions were to help him see how much worse it could work out for him if he continued to ignore the problem. 

 

Tough love and all that, right?

 

It blew up in my face.  As good and honorable as my intentions were, they were misconstrued.  And now, I am dealing with the loss of a friendship.  It has been cut, immediately and with such finality, without any word or explanation. 

 

I struggle with that.

 

So while I still stand by what I said in October of last year - that giving in to someone doesn't always help them.  That love has to be tough.  That sometimes you have to say what the other person doesn't want to hear - I also now have this to add:  That you need to know that it doesn't mean there'll be a happy-ever-after.  That it could potentially, irrevocably, destroy your friendship.

 

 

Dad has been discharged from the hospital and is recovering at home.  He was originally only supposed to stay a night, but because he had more bleeding than usual post-surgery, the doctor (who, incidentally, had a very deep, sexy dimple) - wanted to keep him there for observation.  Turns out dad lost about 2.5 pints of blood.  No, I don't know how much that is either.

 

But he's home now.  He was instructed to remain at home for the next three weeks or so.  Which will drive the rest of us insane, but at the moment, we're just relieved to have him home and okay.

 

Thanks for all your good wishes and prayers!

 

 

 

 

Dad is having surgery.  It's been a long time coming. 

 

In March of this year, we told him to go see a doctor and check things out.  But due to his innate fear of doctors and hospitals (though he would never admit this) - and his goddamn need to appear to be macho - coupled with his pig-headedness of Titanic proportions - March became April became May became June .... and finally, seven freaking months down the line, he goes and sees our family doctor.

 

He gets referred to a specialist, complete with referral letter, specialist contact and specific instructions to make an appointment ASAP because it can't wait.  So what does dad do?  He comes back, sticks the whole envelope in his bedside drawer and lets another month go by. 

 

When circumstances are such that he cannot deny things anymore, he finally goes and sees a specialist.  His results shock him, though I believe he would like us to think otherwise.  It's that macho thing again, and the refusal to age gracefully.

 

Turns out the problem is more acute than he thought BECAUSE it was delayed for so long.  What would have been a simple one-hour operation has now become a three-hour surgical procedure. 

 

Words cannot describe the frustration I feel.

 

On a lighter note - the specialist also gave him a post-surgery leaflet.  Apparently, he is to rest at home for 4 weeks - and it specifically said 'No streneous activities, including, but not limited to, playing golf, gardening, playing with your grandkids'.

 

When I read that, I was filled with horror.  I looked at mom and I said, "Dad stuck at home for four weeks is going to make him intolerable." 

 

Dad is not a stay-at-home person.  He has a restless, wandering soul.  If it rains, and he can't go out for golf, or for a ride on his bike - he is grouchy and grumpy.  I love my dad for a lot of reasons, but of all my family members, he has the ability to drive me completely insane.  Oh wait - Mel might be quite a close contender actually.

 

Anyway, Mom looked up from her Sudoku, smiled and said, "Then WE go out lor!"

 

Your thoughts and prayers for dad during this period would be much appreciated.

 

 

 

 

Although my old camera holds some sentimental value for me, I have decided to let it go.  So if you are looking to experiment in underwater photography but am not sure if you will enjoy it, and therefore don't want to spend so much on it, give me a buzz!!

 

My Canon IXUS 850 IS was bought in July 2007 - the Ikelite housing and tray handle in August of the same year.  So it is slightly more than 2 years old.  Still in good condition though!

 

This is the camera ...

 

 

 

This is the housing, together with the tray handle ...

 

 

 

I even still have the original box that the camera came in!

 

 

 

Not to mention the battery charger, the software disk, the interface cable and the AV cable ...

 

 

 

And, if you're anal like me and want to know everything about the camera and the housing, I have all the manuals ...

 

 

 

I bought the camera for RM1299 and the housing and tray handle for RM1040.

 

Give me a reasonable offer!

 

 

 

 

Remember my dilemma?

 

Two things helped me come to a decision.

 

The first: 

I was having a chat with a friend, who's a professional underwater photographer - and again later with another friend who is semi-pro.  When I say 'professional underwater photographer', I mean he has his photos published in dive magazines and coffee table books ALL the time.  When I say 'semi-pro', I mean he has won a few amateur competitions.  So these guys know what they are talking about.

 

I showed them some pictures from my Lembeh trip, and I asked them - is it my skills that suck, or is it a limitation on my camera's part??  The feedback was:  the camera is lacking.  (That was good to know, actually, I was beginning to wonder if I should give up underwater photography for good!!)

 

The second: 

Another friend, Swee, took the same pictures I did while we were in Lembeh.  Here is a comparison of the same subject - a flabellina nudibranch.

 

Mine, taken with a Canon Ixus:

 

 

And his, taken with a Canon G10:

 

 

If that's not enough to convince you, here's another comparison - of the harlequin shrimp:

 

Mine:

 

 

His:

 

 

 

The detail in the focus, the color, the sharpness ....

 

I suppose you know where THIS post is heading!!

 

So meet my new dive buddy ...

 

 

I wanted the G10, but unfortunately, I waited so long that it has been discontinued.  Story of my life.  However, the G11 has almost the exact same features as the G10, so it'll do!

 

My Macbook will just have to wait .....

 

 

 

 

I'm off diving again on the 26th of this month, back to good ole Sipadan Water Village.

 

Despite having been so many times, and despite it now taking a number 2 spot on my favorite place to dive (it was number 1 for the longest time until I discovered Lembeh Straits!) - I still get excited going there, and I still look forward to being there.  It has something to do with the ambience of the resort, the familiarity of the staff, the great diving.

 

I mean ... how can this not make your heart smile?

 

 

 

I am taking a brand new group this time - a group that has never been before - and I LOVE doing that because ultimately, SWV is such a great experience, and if you're diving Sipadan for the first time, it just blows you away.  I am slightly jaded because I compare Sipadan to what it was when I first dived (dove??) there 8 years ago.  There has been a marked difference, and not for the better.  But if you're a virgin to Sipadan, then the experience is truly orgasmic.  And it thrills me to bits when divers come up after a dive all enthusiastic and happy as hell about what they have encountered underwater.  I feed off that enthusiasm.  It makes me high.

 

20 days to go till I'm outta KL ... the countdown begins!

 

 

 

 

I looked into the most beautiful pair of blue eyes today.  Perhaps it was the angle of the sun, but they were a vivid, bright azure, and they sparkled and twinkled and shone. 

 

The thing is - I spent three months with this person, teaching him how to dive - including three days on the island - and I never noticed.  Of course he was part of a group of ten persons - but STILL - how could I not have noticed?  I look people in the eye when I talk with them, so it should have struck me how captivating his eyes were.  But apparently I didn't take note.

 

I console myself by stating that I was so intent on teaching and safety and all that kinda thing that I failed to notice.

 

But I tell ya what ... them eyes certainly got my attention now!!